Your Monthly Visit With Dick, 6/2008

Dear Dick,

When you read a hot romantic book, what erotic pop lit terms for vagina and penis turn you on the most?

L.E. from Oregon

Dear L.E.,
Anything except vagina and penis. Honestly, anything except those!

Two of Dick's favorite terms for human genitalia
are, respectively, honey pot and stinger

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Dear Dick,
Hi! Can you tell me which Electronic Publishers you’d suggest I send my first submission to? I have written several erotic romance stories and am dying to get published but want to avoid the publishers who have a bad reputation in dealing with their authors and or delivering the goods to customers.

Thankyou!
Lindsey L.W.

Dear Lindsey,
I have posed your question to friends who also read e-books and keep a watchful eye on these things. After comparing notes we’ve tallied up scores, and here is our list of those electronic publishers that scored highest in both customer and author satisfaction. (Please note FYI that all of us on the little panel regularly buy e-books, NONE of us are publishers, and only one is an author –and she’s not even a Pickled Cupid team member). So here you go; scoring in from best rated to least:

Loose-Id http://loose-id.net/
Ellora’s Cave http://ellorascave.com/
Double Dragon http://double-dragon-ebooks.com/
Liquid Silver http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/
Red Rose https://www.redrosepublishing.com/
Samhain http://samhainpublishing.com/

Hope this helps, Lindsey, and good luck!

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Dear Dick,
I am a SAHM and write very erotic fantasy romance and it is my dream to be published in the very near future. But I have a problem with my husband. He’ll read every story I write and give me feedback, except my M/M stories. He says gay characters just don't excite him. What’s his damned problem?

“Georgia Pine”

Dear Pine,
I suspect your husband suffers from the same condition millions of men do: he’s straight.

It may be shocking news, but not all straight men
get turned on by gay characters!

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Hello there Dick!
When I read submission guidelines at publisher sites I am often confused by what genres they don’t want. Especially one thing: can you tell me what “golden showers” are?
J.P.

Dear J.P.,
The term Golden Showers refers to urine used as an erotic devise or ploy within a story. The reason you keep coming across this in the Don't Wanna See section demonstrates that apparently some writer –ON AT LEAST ONE OCCASION, AND GOD FORBID MORE – has submitted a story to some unfortunate publisher under the sick assumption that getting sprayed or being sprayed on with piss is erotic.

Ecch. Just thinking about it gives me the urge to hunt down the soap and clean WATER.

Dick Fry, like most readers, feels
that reading while using this
nifty invention is as close as
piss and erotica should ever meet.

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Dear Dick,
What’s the best wedding gift for a third-time bride and fourth-time groom? Two friends from work are engaged to get married next month and since the two of them have been down the proverbial aisle so many times I’ve no idea what to give them. Please, any suggestion is appreciated!

Anxious Invited Guest, Arcade, NY

Dear Anxious,
Uh, apparently you have confused me with a general or relationship advice columnist. And since I’ve never been married even once, unless you really willing to put down the cash toward a Home Harem Playroom for your friends, oh brother are you asking the wrong guy!

But since I try to be a helpful guy I have tracked down the address where you can contact Dear Abby directly online:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/dearabby_form.html

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Dick Fry will return in July with more Q&A’s.

Each month Dick Fry answers Q&A's about Romance writing, the genre
and sub-genres and/or the writing life in general from real visitors just like YOU.
FYI Dick isn't an expert on anything; but just like his vast and stunning knowledge
about politics and religion, he fakes really damned good!

To contact Dick with a question just locate his email address at the Pickled Cupid's right-side panel.